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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?